I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
