He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
