I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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