Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
