Please, let me fuck your mom
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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