he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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