Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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