And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I did not marry a roomba.
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