She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
