Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
