he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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