now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
