I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
