You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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