I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
