Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
