she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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