The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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