I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
