I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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