So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
