Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
