The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it hurts more in the daytime
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
