Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Randomize
