just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
