I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
