chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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