I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
