All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
