there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
