Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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