He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize