Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We named our party play list daddy issues
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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