There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
