he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
