i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Randomize
