dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
