your parents love me but you hate me
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
