How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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