i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize