I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
