Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
