My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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