planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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