Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
