i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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