No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
