Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize