Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
