you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
