I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
