and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
