2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
