eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize