If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
