You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She even gives head with a lisp.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
