Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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