It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
