New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
