let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
