Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
