i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
