she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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