I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
