There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize