id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize