Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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