Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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