I hate all girls vehemently.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
