I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
